12 Oct: THAT WILL NOT BE NECCESARY David Attenborough’s voice: every word so perfectly spaced and placed and so necessary. His voice is the only thing that still anchors me here. When the credits roll, I call Johanna, and she starts it for me again. “I’m Mar-ga-ret, not Johanna. Take your pills now, Mies Sophie,” she says reprovingly. “I did!” But then I see them and the glass of water, still on the tray beside me. I thought I did. I swallow them quickly so that she can go away and leave me alone with David and the octopus. She moves as if she has no weight or form, but her eight tentacles furl and grasp with diligent purpose. I used to be like that: One tentacle agitating a pan on the gas hob, another on the cordless phone to a client, another spoon-feeding Lotty, another shoo-ing the cat, another working out to Jane Fonda, another laughing, another reading a [...]
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I know I said that SPRING is all about RENEWAL, but I’ve been pondering about LOSS lately and that renewal has to be preceded by a dying off of sorts for Spring to arrive. It made me revisit Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s 5 Stages of Grief, and the parallels to what one goes through during menopause really struck me: DENIAL: Do you remember when you were first told, or it was implied, or you realised, that you are too old for something? For me it was Krav Maga! I signed up with bravado, was the oldest in the class, came home and had to ice my hand, shoulder etc after every class and eventually ended up with a rotator cuff injury that is still bugging me! What was your denial moment? ANGER: Yes! The MENOPAUSAL RAGE, we have spoken about in this group. Mine coincided in a big way with the #metoo movement and I had so much anger about everything I [...]
28 July: I received La Melle’s LADY PRELOX pills today! It made me reflect a bit about what has been going on (or not going on) in the bedroom lately. I can summarise it nicely, by telling you that my husband and I gave each other slippers for our recent wedding anniversary. So warm, so comfy, but not very sexy! We’ve been together 24/7 since lockdown. Most of the time only a few metres apart. And happily so. But I’ve missed going off and doing my thing while he does his thing and then returning at the end of the day bringing goods and news into the home from out there in the wild world. We are in domestic captivity. Where not much mating happens. Read this excellent piece drawing on the work of the phenomenal Esther Perel about reconciling the closeness needed for intimacy with the psychological distance that fuels desire. So, I’ll start my LADY PRELOX pills today, [...]